Dripping poison,
Those little words,
Snarled,
Under the breath,
Then pushed out
With the stomach.
You passed on your mother’s china
To me, the first grandson to marry,
But you wanted to keep a teapot.
My wife wanted the entire set,
So, I said no.
That’s when you got nasty.
I don’t care what you do, you said.
Just sell it!
I had no intention of selling it.
Now that we’ve had it for a while,
We think we’ll pass it on
To your grandchildren.
Isn’t that what you would want?
Sometimes there are reasons
For ways I think and feel,
And sometimes it just hits me
From out of nowhere.
I can’t plan a day ahead
Without being surprised
By something that happens
That changes my focus.
Being bipolar means that
Sometimes I am at the mercy
Of my mood. But that doesn’t mean
I’m helpless. I just have to
Constantly be aware
Of everything that affects me,
Inside and out.
It is a challenge,
But it’s possible.
Wrong meets right.
The fight is strong.
Laugh, they will.
Cry out, they must.
Shout, at the top of their lungs—
Justice must prevail.
So many innocent lives
Have been crushed by the fist
Of the oppressor!
So many suffer
Because of the greed
And the arrogance
Of the powerful.
The powerful?
Who is powerful?
What is power?
Don’t you know that
The wind has changed course
On this hot, dry day.
The wind! The water!
The earth! The animals!
The birds! The insects!
The trees! Yes, even the trees!
Look at an old oak tree,
And tell me about power!
Look at a rushing stream,
And tell me about power!
Watch a lion kill its prey,
And tell me about power!
Is a gun, power?
In the hands of a six year old, a gun is just as powerful as in the hands of a grown man!
A gun is just a tool.
It’s what you do with a tool
That makes it useful.
It’s what you do with a tool
That makes it powerful.
And when a thousand voices scream,
That’s power!
When the people speak as one,
That’s power!
Don’t be afraid.
Be excited!
Be joyful!
Be glad!
For power has come to the people,
And they will not be denied this moment.
They have prayed,
And they have worked,
And they have suffered
For this moment.
Listen to the wind blow
Through the trees!
Justice has come like a mighty rush of wind,
And anything that’s old, anything that’s weak,
Anything that’s not tied down tight,
Is gonna blow away!
Those old tricks, old ways,
Cowardly words, weak attitudes,
Straw men beware!
The wind of justice has come to blow you…
Away!
Alone, but not alone.
God waits behind the curtain–
Or is it I that wait on God?
We wait on each other, then,
In a sort of waltz together,
Taking one step forward,
And one step back,
Rotating in circles,
Never completely meeting.
Oh, how my heart yearns
To connect to the holy one!
Like a child yearns
To be held by its mother,
So I crave the loving arms
Of my Creator.
My prayers of desperation
Fall down into the abyss.
My prostrate body
Aches with loneliness and pain
Of rejection and betrayal.
I must continue
To remain faithful,
But my soul is so weary.
How my enemies mock me,
Lord of All, please,
Be merciful.
www.saintpaulsumc.org/sermon/new-places-for-new-people-courageous-relationships/
Click on the above link to view a sermon by Rev. Dr. Kandace Brooks in which she challenges her congregation to step out of their comfort zones and reach out to others, to ask for help or to be of help, specifically to the mentally ill, suicidal, etc.
Remember playing cards in your
Apartment, going on long walks together
At night, remember me sleeping all day,
And me blowing up like a balloon,
When I ate tuna casserole? Remember
Me being admitted for suicidal thoughts?
Remember the med changes, the visiting
Hours at the hospital, being mad at me,
Not believing that I would do it, and
Maybe you were right. Remember the
Tears, the arguments, the
Disappointments and heartbreak?
Remember the good times, with family
And friends? Remember the parents in
The hospital, your surgeries, my
Procedures, shock treatment and vocal
Cords? Remember the trips to Shands,
The Sunday school mornings and church
Services, music and children and
Candles and sermons? We’ve been
Through a lot in 21 years. And I wouldn’t
Change a thing, if I could! Love, Bonch
Do you feel
The coming tide
Pulling us out
Away from shore?
Do you feel the raindrops
Pelting my head and shoulders?
The candy canes
Are hanging on the
Christmas tree.
The egg nog
Is in the fridge.
The presents are wrapped,
The house is decorated,
And I’m taking less Prozac
So I don’t get manic
Next week.
Soon to come,
Visits with friends
And family.
Parties and church,
Luncheons and dinners.
Cookies and milk,
Next to the fireplace.
I’m saving up
To buy gas.
Looking forward
To celebrating.
Jingle bells!
How do you know
What to do
When you don’t feel quite right,
And you’re not getting through
Life unscathed,
And you can’t really sue?
I wonder
If I should have
Gone to get help
When my empty head
Was playing tricks on me.
I wonder if I should have stayed,
When I had a choice to make.
But was I free to choose?
Family and friends
Supported me.
The doctors were helpful,
So also the nurses,
Some of them, anyway.
I think it was good
That I stuck around,
But the journey was full
Of grief and regret.
Hindsight’s 20/20,
As they say.
It’s been almost three years since I was hospitalized for a major med change. Everything went really well while I was in the hospital, although I got into a friendship with another patient that wasn’t good for me. I would end up taking medical leave for an extended amount of time and then attempt to return to work. That didn’t work out, though. I ended up back in the hospital, and, when I got out I decided to leave my job on long term disability. I hired a lawyer to help me get approved for SSDI, and after a couple denials it went to hearing and I won my case. Since then I started taking classes at Lively Technical Center. I finished the program for legal administrative specialist but decided by the last class that I wasn’t completely sure that was what I wanted to do. So, this Fall I reenrolled at Lively in hopes of getting certified in Microsoft Office. I eventually realized I was only going to be able to get certified in Microsoft Word, as Excel was too difficult and I was feeling ready to finish with school and move on to a part time job. I plan to finish the administrative office specialist program in the Spring, and start looking for a job.
Did you, too?
Have you been there?
Do you, really?
Thank you.
I’m glad you’re here.
I’m glad I’M here.
This is work.
I want to get better.
I wish I could sleep.
I sleep too much.
I’m ready to commit to that.
I’m ready to quit.
I trust you.
Thank you for being there for me.
Stumbling along the sidewalk 