Stars Smiling

Speed collects beads

Of sweat on the seatbelt

Wrapped around my body.

Likening your smile

To a Star streak across the sky

On a mellow night.

The sun is bright this morning

As it rises above the hills.

See the birds fly

From the trees so frantically.

I bet one of them saw me

When I told you I loved you

In the tree, smiling, ear to ear.

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Weatherman

Filled

To the rim

With anxiety,

Like a rising tide,

My feet don’t reach

The bottom.

I cannot get a sense

Of where I am.

Everything around me

Seems to happen

In slow motion,

While my emotions reel

Like tossing waves.

My mind tries to balance,

But is tossed about

Like a little boat.

Gravity plays with me

Like a child

With his toys,

Crashing them together,

And zooming them around.

I am natures plaything,

In the storm,

I am the storm,

I am a bystander,

I am a weather man,

Like an idiot,

Standing outside

In the wind and rain,

Talking to the camera

Until I can barely stand up.

Time to take my meds.

Perseverance

A Miracle

Gliding along the currents of air,

I’m lifted by the light that shines on me.

Love permeates my being,

Like a spear piercing my side.

The nails are hammered through

My ragged wrists. I cry out,

My God, my God, why?

Have you forsaken me?

The dusk descends and they lower

My cross, loosen my body

And carry me to my tomb.

I stand on a mountaintop.

Throw yourself down!

God’s angels will save you.

Turn these stones into bread.

You are hungry. Go ahead.

Freedom! I am set free by God’s hand.

Risen at last and the tombstone

Is rolled away.

Merry Go Round

I’m feeling normal.

I’m feeling blah.

I’m doing nothing.

I’m falling apart.

Nothing changes.

It’s all a merry go round.

We’re getting nowhere.

We’re falling off the edge.

Can you see the danger?

Can you feel the pulsing beat?

Do you feel my heart?

I’m numb down to my feet.

Let us set a course.

We’ve got to go somewhere.

Let us try to make it.

We’ll go from here to there.

Something’s got to give.

We’ve got to accomplish it.

We must start to live.

I know I can do it.

So here we go,

In a merry go round.

Spinning circles.

We’re going nowhere fast.

How long will this last?

This Dark Thing

In the maze of my mind,

There is this dark thing

That follows me around.

It changes hats, periodically.

Sometimes it’s anxiety,

Sometimes it’s depression,

Sometimes it’s hypomania.

All of the time it feels like

A heavy weight pushing me down.

It cringes at new experiences,

Full of worry.

It wonders if I will make it

Through today.

It hurts and it cries,

And it whines and complains.

Oh, how lovely

To have a mental illness!

The Base

Bell ring sound thing but how ding dong

Do you think I’m able to drink from the

Fountain of mirth slow table so search

Drab covers hide glad tidings minuet so

Delve into duty with one foot on the base

Full Circle

Knowledge sex intertwine exchange

Merely showing off catch cling walk

Togetherness ideas dreams whisper

Calling grown up respect beliefs wait

Yelling expression argument curse

Trial Size

Sloping down and then back up, like a speeding truck, I am searching for your love. Transubstantiate, lift then push, then go all out, a mystery solved, doubts soothed, memories calmed, nightmares called what they are. Do you dream at night? I do. I fly through the sky on my back, steering with my feet. Trial size.

Both Ways

Sharing smothered thoughts,

Restricted feelings abound.

Hesitation rules the imagination,

Hiding from the truth,

Although it tortures me.

Yearning for stability,

Some kind of consistency.

If only I could have it both ways!