Category: “Unpoetry”

Just Nonsense

I took the bucket, filled it up with water, then dumped it on Jerry’s head.

“Hey, C’mon!” he said.

“Let’s dance!” came a voice from inside the side door to the house.

“I don’t LIKE vegetables!” said another voice through the window.

“Your name is Mud!” Jerry said.

Then a wild hippopotamus ran through the yard. It was hot pink, with purple and white poke-a-dots all over.

“Is that a hippopotamus?” I asked Jerry.

“Don’t change the subject!” Jerry shouted.

“I like animals, but this is ridiculous,” I said.

“Why did you dump water on my head?” Jerry asked.

“Why do birds suddenly appear—every time— you draw near?” I sang to the tune of the Carpenters’ song.

“Why do I put up with you?” Jerry huffed.

“Help! You know, I need somebody. Help! Not just anybody. Help! You know, I need someone. Heeeelp!” I sang to the Beatles tune.

“What are you getting at?” cried Jerry.

“I’m looking at the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways,” I sang, to the Michael Jackson tune.

“This is pointless,” said Jerry. “I can’t think straight.”

“Might as well jump! Go ahead, jump!” I sang to the Van Halen song.

“You make no sense,” Jerry said.

“I have no sense,” I said.

“Here we are, both of us friends,” Jerry sang.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout,” I said.

Atta boy

So I said to him, do you take baths in volcanoes often? He said, not often but I do like a cup of soup every now and then. Cues. Cuz, you don’t know the half of it! He likes to munch on cucumbers and bathe in onions! So what time do you walk around the block on your tip toes? Is there a certain temperature you like it to be when you’re soaking your feet? Or how about when you clean your dentures? Atta boy!