A Second Guess

How do you know

What to do

When you don’t feel quite right,

And you’re not getting through

Life unscathed,

And you can’t really sue?

I wonder

If I should have

Gone to get help

When my empty head

Was playing tricks on me.

I wonder if I should have stayed,

When I had a choice to make.

But was I free to choose?

Family and friends

Supported me.

The doctors were helpful,

So also the nurses,

Some of them, anyway.

I think it was good

That I stuck around,

But the journey was full

Of grief and regret.

Hindsight’s 20/20,

As they say.

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Sharing Your Struggles

Silence

Is golden, but costly.

Holding it all in

Can be quite a sin.

Sometimes,

We need to share

Our doubts and fears,

Our dreams and nightmares.

And we need to listen,

To give support,

To extend a hand

In goodwill.

You are important to me,

And I know

I’m important to you.

So I’d like to soothe

Your anxiety.

Let’s be a team

To overcome life’s struggles.

Transitions

It’s been almost three years since I was hospitalized for a major med change. Everything went really well while I was in the hospital, although I got into a friendship with another patient that wasn’t good for me. I would end up taking medical leave for an extended amount of time and then attempt to return to work. That didn’t work out, though. I ended up back in the hospital, and, when I got out I decided to leave my job on long term disability. I hired a lawyer to help me get approved for SSDI, and after a couple denials it went to hearing and I won my case. Since then I started taking classes at Lively Technical Center. I finished the program for legal administrative specialist but decided by the last class that I wasn’t completely sure that was what I wanted to do. So, this Fall I reenrolled at Lively in hopes of getting certified in Microsoft Office. I eventually realized I was only going to be able to get certified in Microsoft Word, as Excel was too difficult and I was feeling ready to finish with school and move on to a part time job. I plan to finish the administrative office specialist program in the Spring, and start looking for a job.

Connections

Did you, too?

Have you been there?

Do you, really?

Thank you.

I’m glad you’re here.

I’m glad I’M here.

This is work.

I want to get better.

I wish I could sleep.

I sleep too much.

I’m ready to commit to that.

I’m ready to quit.

I trust you.

Thank you for being there for me.

A Light

A light twinkles

In the distance;

It is my hope,

Fragile, yet strong.

Will a big gust of wind

Blow out my candle?

I am protected

By many walls:

Meds, doctors,

Counselors, family,

Friends and helpers.

That gust of wind

Can blow if it must,

But my light will not

Be extinguished.

I will use

The tools I’ve been given.

I will continue the struggle,

And I will win.

Strong

Experience.

A light bulb turns on.

Words flow like breathing.

Comfortable.

Fellow warriors

Keeping each other company.

Along for the ride,

Together.

Be there for you,

Whenever you need someone.

Any time, any place.

Trust me.

I’ll hold out a light

So you can see your way.

Brothers and sisters

Of mental illness.

Strong.

Merry Go Round

I’m feeling normal.

I’m feeling blah.

I’m doing nothing.

I’m falling apart.

Nothing changes.

It’s all a merry go round.

We’re getting nowhere.

We’re falling off the edge.

Can you see the danger?

Can you feel the pulsing beat?

Do you feel my heart?

I’m numb down to my feet.

Let us set a course.

We’ve got to go somewhere.

Let us try to make it.

We’ll go from here to there.

Something’s got to give.

We’ve got to accomplish it.

We must start to live.

I know I can do it.

So here we go,

In a merry go round.

Spinning circles.

We’re going nowhere fast.

How long will this last?

Headed Down

Flying in circles,

Spiraling down,

Headed straight

For the barren ground.

Screaming for my god

To save me today.

If only have mercy,

A bit of grace.

I see the red flags

Following me.

Everyone knows

My mind tends to flee.

Can you see the remnant

Of my failing try?

Can you see me fall

From up on high?

I’m headed down

To the barren ground,

To dig me a hole

And never come out.

A Normal Day

A “normal” day

Is an unusual occurrence

For those of us

With bipolar.

But if our meds

Are doing what they’re supposed to,

And drama is kept to a minimum,

Occasionally,

We might find ourselves

Having a normal day.

I had a normal day today,

And it felt good.

Not so stressful

As a typical day,

I wasn’t anxious

Like I usually am.

I was just me,

Living life,

Almost like a normal person.

The Base

Bell ring sound thing but how ding dong

Do you think I’m able to drink from the

Fountain of mirth slow table so search

Drab covers hide glad tidings minuet so

Delve into duty with one foot on the base