Merry Go Round

I’m feeling normal.

I’m feeling blah.

I’m doing nothing.

I’m falling apart.

Nothing changes.

It’s all a merry go round.

We’re getting nowhere.

We’re falling off the edge.

Can you see the danger?

Can you feel the pulsing beat?

Do you feel my heart?

I’m numb down to my feet.

Let us set a course.

We’ve got to go somewhere.

Let us try to make it.

We’ll go from here to there.

Something’s got to give.

We’ve got to accomplish it.

We must start to live.

I know I can do it.

So here we go,

In a merry go round.

Spinning circles.

We’re going nowhere fast.

How long will this last?

Advertisements

This Dark Thing

In the maze of my mind,

There is this dark thing

That follows me around.

It changes hats, periodically.

Sometimes it’s anxiety,

Sometimes it’s depression,

Sometimes it’s hypomania.

All of the time it feels like

A heavy weight pushing me down.

It cringes at new experiences,

Full of worry.

It wonders if I will make it

Through today.

It hurts and it cries,

And it whines and complains.

Oh, how lovely

To have a mental illness!

Songs

Careful one means cautious two for you.

So much to chat about but not the will to

Chat. How was yours? Mine was fine.

Hope you are well. Being well is half the

Battle. Sometimes soft, soothing songs.

Full Circle

Knowledge sex intertwine exchange

Merely showing off catch cling walk

Togetherness ideas dreams whisper

Calling grown up respect beliefs wait

Yelling expression argument curse

Bend Your Knees!

Do you wonder how I feel?

I want to curl up in a ball.

Go to sleep and never wake up,

Except I don’t live in a vacuum.

There are family and friends,

My wife, of course,

At the top of the list.

If I left the state of things

Would be grim, full of sin,

And everything.

You look so thin!

You look so nothing,

So drab, so flat.

You look like you’re losing

All your fat!

You are mine and I am yours.

Made for each other

In heaven, by George.

We’ll go out together

Or maybe you first.

That’s the way you want it,

On earth.

I don’t know what I’d do

With myself.

Wrestle dust balls from the shelf.

There’s much to look forward to

In this life.

But I can’t remember

Any but strife.

There’s much to hope for,

Much to dream,

But all I want to do

Is scream.

We’ll make it.

Don’t you worry.

There’ll be lots of fun and flurry.

We will gather all around.

We won’t stop for any sound.

Come with me to the holy gate.

Promise I won’t be irate.

We’ll enjoy your company.

We’ll be sure to bend our knees,

Jumping off the side of the boat,

In the castle’s shallow moat.

Closing In

Crawling under, torn asunder.

Beloved stolen, booming thunder.

Please excuse the mighty cry.

Nothing proven, when you died.

Angels gliding through the air.

I won’t suffer. I don’t care.

Vivid memories closing in.

Wasting away, growing thin.

What’s the difference if I go?

What’s the point of to and fro?

I just want a soothing moment.

I just want a second chance.

Only we can see the answer.

Only you can keep the balance.

Trial Size

Sloping down and then back up, like a speeding truck, I am searching for your love. Transubstantiate, lift then push, then go all out, a mystery solved, doubts soothed, memories calmed, nightmares called what they are. Do you dream at night? I do. I fly through the sky on my back, steering with my feet. Trial size.

Negative

Sometimes I feel

Like I’m going to burst.

I think of the outcome

That is the worst.

I cry inside

Because it’s not safe

In my mind’s

Emotional landscape.

Tears well up

Upon my lids.

They overflow,

The reality is.

Sometimes I break down,

To nothing special.

A mood, a thought,

I always mess up.

In the end,

I know that I

Am not alone,

So, I just sigh.

Both Ways

Sharing smothered thoughts,

Restricted feelings abound.

Hesitation rules the imagination,

Hiding from the truth,

Although it tortures me.

Yearning for stability,

Some kind of consistency.

If only I could have it both ways!

Truth in Love

Heavy thoughts

And sinking feelings

Got me caught up

In a sea of sadness.

I wish she knew,

Only a good friend

Tells the truth,

Even when you

Don’t want to hear it,

Even when you

Don’t believe it.

Someone who cares

Doesn’t lie to your face

Just to make you feel good.

It’s hard to be that

Kind of friend,

Because you risk

The friendship.

But if you lie,

There’s no friendship

To lose.