To Say or Not to Say

What I’ve said in anger

Cannot be taken back.

People I’ve blamed for others’

Misfortunes

May have taken it personally.

Pressure I feel on my neck—

The bait from enemies waiting

For me to fall.

And so I wonder:

Is having my silly say

In politics or religion

Worth alienating my

Brothers and sisters?

Maybe a little temperance

Could go a long way.

Maybe if I hold my tongue

When I’m tempted to

Jump into the fray

Might win me

A different kind of victory.

One that lasts.

One that builds up,

Instead of tearing down.

One that reconciles.

One for the kingdom.

Memorial Day

A place to be

Is pleasing when

There is a person

To be with—

Someone strong,

Someone fun,

Someone loving—

Come get some!

In the park,

I toss a ball

With my father;

Spring and summer

Sunny weather

Covers our faces

With warmth and never

Makes us uncomfortable.

So, we go swimming

In the lake.

We ride a boat

Across the water.

We dive in and feel

Refreshed.

Oh, what a day

To be with family.

What a time

To dream dreams,

To enjoy each other’s

Company.

To live in the freedom

Paid in blood

By our forefathers,

And our military

Today.

Please remember

When you drink your beer

And eat your hot dog.

A price was paid.

Why Are We Here?

We’re here to make,

And bake and create.

We’re here to move,

And soothe and groove.

We’re here to love

Everyone.

We’re here to have fun,

To play and run.

We’re here to make

Something out of nothing.

We’re here to create

Meaning.

We’re here to make

A mess.

We’re here to be a mess.

We’re here to be.

Identity

It’s a part of me,

My personality,

My sexuality,

Individuality.

I am unique,

The way God made me,

The way my parents raised me,

The things I’ve discovered

Along the bumpy way.

There’s no shame

In being this way—

Just because it was

Never mentioned in church,

Or school,

Or at home.

Even the basics

Were not taught.

Trial and error

Was my only way

To discover my body,

To find out

What it means

To be human.

To experiment

Inside and out,

To pop those bubbles

Of misconception,

Perversion of religion,

Crucifixion.

My Friend, Curt

Mike, Ed (Brian’s dad), me and Curt (from left)

I was about twelve years old when my parents divorced. I was an angry teenager, and my mom, whom I lived with, was quite depressed. I used to send her into a rage on a regular basis. Although she was never tested or diagnosed, I think she has bipolar disorder, like me.

One night, I said something that enraged her. I ran to the front door, unlocked it, and ran outside. I was in socks with no shoes, and it was raining. I kept running down the sidewalk for several blocks, crossing streets and running through intersections. Finally, I arrived at my friend Curt’s house.

Curt was a police officer who lived next door to a close friend of mine, Brian, and his family. Curt was a severe alcoholic, who liked to listen to rock music well into the evening, blasting away on his stereo, and smoking his Marlboro menthol lights. He also had pornographic magazines underneath his sink in the guest bathroom.

Curt never locked his front door. So, when I came running up to his house, soak and wet, I just went right in. Curt was sitting naked on his couch, drinking beer. He only wore clothes at home occasionally. It was Miami, Florida, so the weather was hot. Curt had his sliding glass back door open, so his dog, Noel, could come back and forth to his backyard.

I told Curt what happened, crying. He hugged me and held me, and told me “You’re okay, you’re right here.” Curt always kept Pepsi in his fridge, ice cream and chocolate in his freezer, and barbecue Fritos on the kitchen counter. I helped myself, and soon I was feeling better.

Curt let me calm down and listen to music for a while, then he gently suggested I call my mom to let her know where I was. My mom would usually scream and yell over the phone at us, demanding for me to come home immediately. Curt would then put on some clothes and drive me home.

Curt was raised in the Catholic Church, and served as an alter boy when he was little. His father was violently abusive, and when he was a teenager, one night, after watching his father beat up his mom, Curt threw him out of the house. Curt looked after his two younger brothers and his mom until he and his brothers moved out, one of his brothers, Mike, serving in Vietnam.

Curt married his wife, Linda, but one day Curt came home from work to an empty house. Linda had left him and took everything. My friend Brian’s family helped him with a mattress to sleep on until he could get some furniture. Curt used to pay me to mow his lawn when I was in middle school. I spent many hours sitting in his living room, listening to rock music on his stereo.

I eventually went to Florida State University in Tallahassee for college. Curt’s brother Mike had moved to Tallahassee for work, so Curt came up to visit. Curt decided that when he retired, he would have a house built in Wakulla, just south of Tallahassee. Curt moved up here, and settled in. Curt and Mike attended an art and poetry exhibit that I had in the student union.

When Curt was a police officer, he fell off a roof, and he fell down a flight of stairs. He hurt his back and his knees. Curt didn’t believe in doctors much, and he couldn’t afford surgery, so he took Advil all day long, every day. When he got older, his back or knees would occasionally go out, and he’d be bedridden. I’d take him food, go grocery shopping for him, and nurse him back to health. It was very meaningful for me to get to care for Curt, after he had helped me so much.

Curt didn’t have much to say about God. He didn’t like churches or pastors, and he believed the Bible was just a book written by people, like any other book. He knew I always went to church, as did my friend Brian and his family, so he didn’t say much about it. One time the Vienna Boys Choir came to a Tallahassee church to perform, and Curt went with me and my wife, Jackie, to see them. He really liked it. He had always wanted to have children. It just didn’t work out for him.

One day I hadn’t heard from Curt and he wasn’t answering his phone. I asked Jackie to ride down to his house with me, and sure enough, Curt had passed away. I had no regrets about Curt. He was always supportive of me and hospitable to me and my family. I saw him as a good person who had a rough life and just didn’t fit in.

I don’t know if Curt went to heaven, but he was more loving than most church people I know. I think his heart was in the right place, and he is in some type of everlasting peace. He may have lived as mostly an agnostic, but I like to think he went to be with Jesus.

Why I’m a Democrat

I believe that the wealthy have a responsibility to share their wealth with the less fortunate.

I believe that the government is in a unique position to manage the collection and redistribution of wealth to the less fortunate.

I believe the government has a responsibility to protect the vulnerable from the powerful.

I believe the government is in a unique position to regulate big businesses and keep them from becoming too powerful.

I believe the decision about birth control and abortion should be made between a woman and her doctor, because it is first of all a medical issue and until a baby is born it is part of a woman’s body.

I believe the government is in a unique position to protect nature and creatures, regulate big businesses use of natural resources and protect endangered species from the abuse of the greedy, powerful and wealthy.

I believe in diversity, equality and inclusion with regard to race, religion, sex, gender, nationality, ethnicity and age. I believe that these differences should be protected by the government and helped to thrive and multiply.

I believe the government has a right to tax its citizens to provide the services it provides, and that everyone should pay their fair share to make sure the government has the funds it needs to work the way it should.

I believe the government should provide medical care free of charge to everyone.

I believe the government should care for the elderly when they reach fifty years of age. The government should provide a pension and unlimited medical care to the elderly.

I believe education by schools, colleges and universities should be provided by the government for free. I believe health care and education are human rights that should be supported and protected by the government.

Southern Charm – Part 2

Later that same week, on Sunday, Amy and her family headed to church, like they always did. When Amy’s Dad drove their car into the parking lot, there weren’t a lot of cars there, so Amy could see most people as they walked into the church. Amy was shocked to see one particular person getting out of his car. It was the man she saw in her neighborhood on Tuesday morning. He said, “Good morning,” to Amy’s Dad, with a smile. “I’m afraid I gave a scare to your daughter the other day,” he said to Amy’s Dad. “I didn’t get a chance to apologize.”

“My name’s Bradley Coulder,” he said, with an outstretched hand. Amy’s Dad put out his hand and offered a smile. “I’m Darren Green,” he said. “I’m sure it was a misunderstanding,” Mr. Green said, smiling at Bradley, then at Amy. Amy was mortified. How could her Dad so easily accept this guy? She looked down and walked into the church, not looking back. Amy wasn’t going to reject her instincts on this man, even if her Dsd liked him. Amy’s family usually sat towards the front of the sanctuary, in the second or third pew on the right. Amy sat there, refusing to give in to her curiosity about Bradley, who seemed to have taken a seat towards the back of the church.

Carried Away

Life flowing from my heart

Is cut down by rivers of doubt.

The rushing water wears down

My early oaths and affirmations,

Slowing my faith to a halt.

My simple plan to ditch the man of the gospels,

Runs into blockades along the way.

Nests of love, peace and grace

Call me away from my solitary journey.

I sometimes fight the current,

Or allow myself to rest,

But naturally I am carried away

By the fantasies and delusions

Of my silly imagination.