Tag: bipolar
Pulse
Like stampeding miniature elephants
Pushing from behind your lips,
Pressure builds until it feels
Like your mouth is going to explode.
Your mind morphs and stretches,
Pulsing blood flows like a river
Being released from a dam,
Until it ruptures in an eyeball.
This is hypomania, with all
The glitz and glitter,
With the impulses throbbing,
Screaming to be released,
Flexing at the heavy chains
Of shame, guilt and anxiety.
The conscience is like a cowboy,
Riding atop the raging bull,
Pulling at the reigns,
Wriggling across its back,
Struggling with all his might,
To reel in and wrestle control
Of the maddened beast.
Oh, the stress of it all.
To burn the wax of insanity
From the candle of truth,
To purify, to disentangle, to free.
But the answer, alas,
Is to become one with the beast,
To strive to hold on tightly,
Until its energy is spent;
Or, to spring off like a grasshopper,
Surviving the maelstrom
Until another day.
Jingle Bells
Do you feel
The coming tide
Pulling us out
Away from shore?
Do you feel the raindrops
Pelting my head and shoulders?
The candy canes
Are hanging on the
Christmas tree.
The egg nog
Is in the fridge.
The presents are wrapped,
The house is decorated,
And I’m taking less Prozac
So I don’t get manic
Next week.
Soon to come,
Visits with friends
And family.
Parties and church,
Luncheons and dinners.
Cookies and milk,
Next to the fireplace.
I’m saving up
To buy gas.
Looking forward
To celebrating.
Jingle bells!
Connections
Did you, too?
Have you been there?
Do you, really?
Thank you.
I’m glad you’re here.
I’m glad I’M here.
This is work.
I want to get better.
I wish I could sleep.
I sleep too much.
I’m ready to commit to that.
I’m ready to quit.
I trust you.
Thank you for being there for me.
A Light
A light twinkles
In the distance;
It is my hope,
Fragile, yet strong.
Will a big gust of wind
Blow out my candle?
I am protected
By many walls:
Meds, doctors,
Counselors, family,
Friends and helpers.
That gust of wind
Can blow if it must,
But my light will not
Be extinguished.
I will use
The tools I’ve been given.
I will continue the struggle,
And I will win.
Strong
Experience.
A light bulb turns on.
Words flow like breathing.
Comfortable.
Fellow warriors
Keeping each other company.
Along for the ride,
Together.
Be there for you,
Whenever you need someone.
Any time, any place.
Trust me.
I’ll hold out a light
So you can see your way.
Brothers and sisters
Of mental illness.
Strong.
Weatherman
Filled
To the rim
With anxiety,
Like a rising tide,
My feet don’t reach
The bottom.
I cannot get a sense
Of where I am.
Everything around me
Seems to happen
In slow motion,
While my emotions reel
Like tossing waves.
My mind tries to balance,
But is tossed about
Like a little boat.
Gravity plays with me
Like a child
With his toys,
Crashing them together,
And zooming them around.
I am natures plaything,
In the storm,
I am the storm,
I am a bystander,
I am a weather man,
Like an idiot,
Standing outside
In the wind and rain,
Talking to the camera
Until I can barely stand up.
Time to take my meds.
Perseverance
A Normal Day
A “normal” day
Is an unusual occurrence
For those of us
With bipolar.
But if our meds
Are doing what they’re supposed to,
And drama is kept to a minimum,
Occasionally,
We might find ourselves
Having a normal day.
I had a normal day today,
And it felt good.
Not so stressful
As a typical day,
I wasn’t anxious
Like I usually am.
I was just me,
Living life,
Almost like a normal person.
This Dark Thing
In the maze of my mind,
There is this dark thing
That follows me around.
It changes hats, periodically.
Sometimes it’s anxiety,
Sometimes it’s depression,
Sometimes it’s hypomania.
All of the time it feels like
A heavy weight pushing me down.
It cringes at new experiences,
Full of worry.
It wonders if I will make it
Through today.
It hurts and it cries,
And it whines and complains.
Oh, how lovely
To have a mental illness!
Stumbling along the sidewalk 