Silence.
Tick, tick, tick, tick…
Ouch! That hurts!
Tick, tick, tick, tick…
Ring! Ring! Ring!
Hello?
Silence.
Hello? Is there anybody there?
Silence.
Tick, tick, tick, tick…
Ring! Ring! Ring!
I don’t care! I just don’t care, anymore.
Silence.
Tag: anxiety
Brothers
I never thought we’d come to this place—
You and me on opposing sides, in a race
Against time, against each other, against freedom.
Never thought I’d be fighting a brother in the kingdom.
Sometimes, I get confused about all the issues.
Hold it now, I need a box of tissues.
Life has taught me to be true to those
Close to me, who’d give me the clothes off their back.
Maybe if we try to make this moment count,
Dig in, and give it all we’ve got.
Can you see the light coming at you now?
Don’t leave me here to just fester and rot!
You mean a lot to me, I wish you could
Accept that simple truth as a fact.
Let’s do the right thing, like eating your favorite food.
It feels good, even to be caught in the act.
Everything we learned yesterday doesn’t come
To mean a thing without love.
Every heart we’ve broke just feels like some
Kind of putting our head in a stove.
But you and me, we’ve been around the block.
We know the rules, and the pain, there’s no going back.
It’s not too late to correct yourself.
Just put those lies on the back shelf.
Hear me say, it’s not the same thing
As going on the first date.
Going steady makes me irate.
Take off like a big spring
That’s all I got, so take it or leave it!
Life is Relative
And it’s not just an alienation from language, or communication. It’s rejection of the individual, lack of acceptance, judgment. Words are empty when trying to express the grief and sorrow that results from this situation, a hopeless condition.
Lack of connection. No community. No friends. No religion. No god. Just a meaningless existence with no purpose, no focus, no hope. Everything social is either scripted or random. There is nothing real out there, or in here.
And there is only the chance to connect based on a common existence or perceived state of loneliness, ennui, loss of meaning, relativity. Everything depends on everything else. Nothing is certain. Life is one absurd action, thought or event after another.
Changing Gears
Sometimes there are reasons
For ways I think and feel,
And sometimes it just hits me
From out of nowhere.
I can’t plan a day ahead
Without being surprised
By something that happens
That changes my focus.
Being bipolar means that
Sometimes I am at the mercy
Of my mood. But that doesn’t mean
I’m helpless. I just have to
Constantly be aware
Of everything that affects me,
Inside and out.
It is a challenge,
But it’s possible.
Gone
Stilled.
The breath and the blood,
Slowing to a stop.
Where is the smile?
The laugh?
Or even the cry?
Seconds tick by…
No movement.
No voice calling.
What happened
To the thrill
Of living life
To its fullest?
What of risk,
Rides and rough-housing?
What of playing games,
Teasing and pranks?
What of kisses,
Hugs, and holding hands?
Life.
Gone!
Starting Over
Leave your heart
At the door,
Slammed shut,
With a thud.
Cover your eyes.
I don’t want you to see
How thin I’ve become,
Wasting away,
In loneliness.
And how I’ve hurt
On this special day.
How I wanted to say
Something cute,
Something caring,
Something happy;
But all that came out was,
“That’s nice.”
All I cared about
Was hiding my fear,
Not starting a fight again,
Over something stupid.
I want to start over.
I want to be closer.
I want to embrace your
Wilting body.
Let’s go down
To the river,
To drown our sin,
And come up again,
And bask in the sun.
Let’s hold each other again,
Like we once did,
When God smiled on us,
And we had not
A care in the world!
Spirals
Drifting through despair,
The emptiness tingles.
My soul quivers
At the tickling breeze
Of meandering routine,
The repetition of work,
And the high-pitched whistling
Of idle conversation.
The circular motion
Of a life without purpose,
A mind without focus,
And feet without direction,
All come together for an
Absurd account of a life lived
Without meaning.
Freedom comes with its own
Heavy chains,
And a weight that is a
Painful, woe-some
Burden to bare.
A Reflection on Juneteenth
Crimes unimaginable
Sins unfathomable
Wrongs not righted
With an apology,
A soft word,
Or the stroke of a pen.
Pain to the deepest parts
Of the heart and soul,
The very fiber of one’s being,
A wound that doesn’t heal,
But rather cuts deeper
With every smile,
Every handshake,
On every pay day,
Every trip to the grocery store,
Every night at mealtime,
When they look at their children,
When they look at ours.
Privilege continues
Despite the lip service,
Despite the promises,
Amidst the meager gifts,
The dregs of easy charity
From the tatters of a bursting purse,
The guilt trip laid on thick
To the middle class and even
The working poor.
Those that lack for food,
Clothing or shelter,
Living barely day to day,
Not knowing where one’s next
Meal will come from.
And at the church the preacher
Says try harder, pray more,
Save your dollars
So you can send your little ones
To a good college,
Make them study,
Keep them out of trouble,
Tell them you love them,
That you’re proud of them
For that report card.
What do you say
When the white kid
Calls them the n-word?
What do you say
When you don’t have a job
Because you refused
To kiss your supervisor’s butt
When he would talk to you
Like you were nothin’,
Just a cog in his machine,
A disposable, replaceable,
Optional, neglectable,
Insultable, disrespected,
Used, abused, tossed out
To the street
Like so much garbage,
Black man?
Power
Wrong meets right.
The fight is strong.
Laugh, they will.
Cry out, they must.
Shout, at the top of their lungs—
Justice must prevail.
So many innocent lives
Have been crushed by the fist
Of the oppressor!
So many suffer
Because of the greed
And the arrogance
Of the powerful.
The powerful?
Who is powerful?
What is power?
Don’t you know that
The wind has changed course
On this hot, dry day.
The wind! The water!
The earth! The animals!
The birds! The insects!
The trees! Yes, even the trees!
Look at an old oak tree,
And tell me about power!
Look at a rushing stream,
And tell me about power!
Watch a lion kill its prey,
And tell me about power!
Is a gun, power?
In the hands of a six year old, a gun is just as powerful as in the hands of a grown man!
A gun is just a tool.
It’s what you do with a tool
That makes it useful.
It’s what you do with a tool
That makes it powerful.
And when a thousand voices scream,
That’s power!
When the people speak as one,
That’s power!
Don’t be afraid.
Be excited!
Be joyful!
Be glad!
For power has come to the people,
And they will not be denied this moment.
They have prayed,
And they have worked,
And they have suffered
For this moment.
Listen to the wind blow
Through the trees!
Justice has come like a mighty rush of wind,
And anything that’s old, anything that’s weak,
Anything that’s not tied down tight,
Is gonna blow away!
Those old tricks, old ways,
Cowardly words, weak attitudes,
Straw men beware!
The wind of justice has come to blow you…
Away!
Getting Older
Growing up is a fateful journey,
Full of both joy and despair,
With yearning for a sense of completeness
And sometimes a wish for escape.
I wish I could spend more time
With my family and friends, but
Somehow life seems to get in the way.
Everything from irritable bowels to
A toilet overflowing and flooding several rooms—
From a new job as an administrative assistant
To my wife taking classes at the local community college—
It’s always something.
But as time passes,
I will grab that opportunity to touch base,
Even if just with a note or a phone call.
As I get older, and especially,
As my nieces and nephews get older,
Time seems to fly by and becomes
Much more precious.
Decisions become a challenge, sometimes,
And dates and times seem to crowd in
From every angle.
Oh, if I could only go back!
What I would do differently.
Stumbling along the sidewalk 