Tag: anxiety

Southern Charm – Part 2

Later that same week, on Sunday, Amy and her family headed to church, like they always did. When Amy’s Dad drove their car into the parking lot, there weren’t a lot of cars there, so Amy could see most people as they walked into the church. Amy was shocked to see one particular person getting out of his car. It was the man she saw in her neighborhood on Tuesday morning. He said, “Good morning,” to Amy’s Dad, with a smile. “I’m afraid I gave a scare to your daughter the other day,” he said to Amy’s Dad. “I didn’t get a chance to apologize.”

“My name’s Bradley Coulder,” he said, with an outstretched hand. Amy’s Dad put out his hand and offered a smile. “I’m Darren Green,” he said. “I’m sure it was a misunderstanding,” Mr. Green said, smiling at Bradley, then at Amy. Amy was mortified. How could her Dad so easily accept this guy? She looked down and walked into the church, not looking back. Amy wasn’t going to reject her instincts on this man, even if her Dsd liked him. Amy’s family usually sat towards the front of the sanctuary, in the second or third pew on the right. Amy sat there, refusing to give in to her curiosity about Bradley, who seemed to have taken a seat towards the back of the church.

Southern Charm – Part 1

On a cool morning in the Tallahassee, Florida suburbs, Amy is walking her cocker spaniel, Sunshine, along the edge of the street. There are no sidewalks in front of the houses, but the vehicle traffic is light this morning. It’s a Tuesday, around 7:00 a.m. As Amy and Sunshine approach an intersection with a major street, a man comes around the corner walking his dog, a terrier mix. Just as Amy is about to look the other way, so as to avoid eye contact, the man says, “Good morning,” with a smile. Amy is taken aback a bit, but she doesn’t want to appear rude, so she replies with a “Good morning,” back. But she feels a bit nervous as she comes closer, and decides to turn around and run home, Sunshine running along with her. As she closes the front door to her house, bends down and unfastens Sunshine’s leash, Amy thinks to herself, I know it’s common for people to greet each other in this town, but something just didn’t feel right.

Carried Away

Life flowing from my heart

Is cut down by rivers of doubt.

The rushing water wears down

My early oaths and affirmations,

Slowing my faith to a halt.

My simple plan to ditch the man of the gospels,

Runs into blockades along the way.

Nests of love, peace and grace

Call me away from my solitary journey.

I sometimes fight the current,

Or allow myself to rest,

But naturally I am carried away

By the fantasies and delusions

Of my silly imagination.

Not Resting

Neon bikes strobe laugh elbow monster trachea

Destroy aluminum casserole covers close the dog

In the darkness of the garage wound my knee on

The fledgling goose beak as I walk through the park,

Home is where I rest, but I am not resting.

The Fight

With a battering ram strapped to my forehead,

I push through the glistening walls of the great cathedral.

But for what?

Has this victory won me anything of value?

After all, the war has already been won by my adversary,

And this stub in the toe is no big loss to him.

My screams in the darkness win me no favors,

Gain me no pity, although he may shed a tear.

Shall I continue to throw stones through stained glass windows,

Knowing I am only hurting those I love and who love me?

Whom am I fighting, anyway, if not myself?

Reaching Out

Reaching out.

Waves crashing,

At my feet.

Love crushing

The air

Out of my lungs.

What is to be

Expected

From my great God

Next?

Joy is pulling out

My fingernails.

Peace is knocking me

Unconscious.

What can I give

To board the train

Going up the hill?

What can I say

To bring mercy

To my body

And soul?

Grace

Is beating me

To a pulp.

Jesus,

Save me

From your church!

Save me

From society!

The powerful

And the rich

Hover above

My bleeding body,

Like vultures.

How can I escape?

Lost

I want to get closer,

But I’m afraid.

I want to pray,

But I’m not sure

Who I’m praying to.

So many different images

In my mind,

Competing for my

Attention.

Who are you,

And what do you

Want from me?

Can I trust you?

I look at all

The imperfect people

In my life,

And I struggle

To understand

Words like

Perfection,

Love,

Righteousness,

Holiness,

Sanctification,

Charity,

Divinity…

The list goes

On and on.

Can you tell me:

What is true,

And

What is a lie?

I’m lost.

A Prayer for the World

I closed my eyes to the world,

For I could not bear another

Moment of its peril,

Persecution and sword.

All the fighting was too much

To take in each day,

The cruelty and carnage,

The swearing and insulting,

Turning heads to wrongs abounding.

So, my hope was hanging

In a precious balance.

Whether I could go on,

Was in doubt, for sure.

I decided to appeal

To my higher power,

The merciful God of Spirit,

Who had rescued my life from ruin.

Somehow, there must be possibility

For my present earth to reconcile

All this shambles of civilization,

A carcass of the creation

That existed so many years ago.

I prayed a solemn petition,

Asking Jesus for His grace,

A gentle dose of mercy

For this time and place.

And so I placed my trust

In the heaven above,

Shedding no more tears for the future.

I know it is in God’s hands,

And I believe that is enough.

Up

I was going to say

Something wonderful,

But I stopped short of wonder,

And went with terrible, instead.

It seemed more appropriate,

And I was content.

I thought I might compliment

All the impressive things

Being done in the world,

But before I got very far,

I contemplated the war machine,

And colonization, and slavery,

So I let it be, and moved on.

So many good people doing good things,

It makes me want to have faith,

But instead I think about

Corruption, shootings and partisanship,

And I want to throw up.