Twisting, turning.
Emotions churning.
My heart is heavy.
My losses burning.
Oh, God,
When will you come
And save me?
My friends have left me,
And I feel abandoned.
The rejection stings.
Spare me from torture.
Please, Lord,
Let us reconcile once more.
Crying out
Does not happen
Without pain,
Without struggle.
Creativity
Is birthed
From suffering.
To attain
Resolution,
One must encounter
Conflict.
To reach the summit,
One must be faced
With challenge.
Something
Must be wrestled with,
To win.
And so I find myself
In times of difficulty,
Trying
To give birth
To a new creation.
So be it.
Happy go freaky,
Style for a mile.
Ambulance mind,
So fine.
Go fetch your dream,
Get to it!
Place your hands
On the balance beam
Of life expression,
And make your moves.
Chase that vision,
That holy mission,
For you alone.
Never turn back.
No regrets.
Sail on!
It’s a part of me,
My personality,
My sexuality,
Individuality.
I am unique,
The way God made me,
The way my parents raised me,
The things I’ve discovered
Along the bumpy way.
There’s no shame
In being this way—
Just because it was
Never mentioned in church,
Or school,
Or at home.
Even the basics
Were not taught.
Trial and error
Was my only way
To discover my body,
To find out
What it means
To be human.
To experiment
Inside and out,
To pop those bubbles
Of misconception,
Perversion of religion,
Crucifixion.
Life flowing from my heart
Is cut down by rivers of doubt.
The rushing water wears down
My early oaths and affirmations,
Slowing my faith to a halt.
My simple plan to ditch the man of the gospels,
Runs into blockades along the way.
Nests of love, peace and grace
Call me away from my solitary journey.
I sometimes fight the current,
Or allow myself to rest,
But naturally I am carried away
By the fantasies and delusions
Of my silly imagination.
With a battering ram strapped to my forehead,
I push through the glistening walls of the great cathedral.
But for what?
Has this victory won me anything of value?
After all, the war has already been won by my adversary,
And this stub in the toe is no big loss to him.
My screams in the darkness win me no favors,
Gain me no pity, although he may shed a tear.
Shall I continue to throw stones through stained glass windows,
Knowing I am only hurting those I love and who love me?
Whom am I fighting, anyway, if not myself?
Reaching out.
Waves crashing,
At my feet.
Love crushing
The air
Out of my lungs.
What is to be
Expected
From my great God
Next?
Joy is pulling out
My fingernails.
Peace is knocking me
Unconscious.
What can I give
To board the train
Going up the hill?
What can I say
To bring mercy
To my body
And soul?
Grace
Is beating me
To a pulp.
Jesus,
Save me
From your church!
Save me
From society!
The powerful
And the rich
Hover above
My bleeding body,
Like vultures.
How can I escape?
I closed my eyes to the world,
For I could not bear another
Moment of its peril,
Persecution and sword.
All the fighting was too much
To take in each day,
The cruelty and carnage,
The swearing and insulting,
Turning heads to wrongs abounding.
So, my hope was hanging
In a precious balance.
Whether I could go on,
Was in doubt, for sure.
I decided to appeal
To my higher power,
The merciful God of Spirit,
Who had rescued my life from ruin.
Somehow, there must be possibility
For my present earth to reconcile
All this shambles of civilization,
A carcass of the creation
That existed so many years ago.
I prayed a solemn petition,
Asking Jesus for His grace,
A gentle dose of mercy
For this time and place.
And so I placed my trust
In the heaven above,
Shedding no more tears for the future.
I know it is in God’s hands,
And I believe that is enough.
I’ll be fine.
Just give me a chance
To fill my prescriptions,
Snack on those potato chips,
Make a Walmart run,
Fill up the tank
Of my gas-guzzling SUV,
Smoke my cigarette,
Drink a couple of beers,
Go hunting with my pals,
Take my dog to the park,
Take a ride in my boat,
Zoom around on my motorcycle,
Take a hit of acid,
Chew a bite of snuff,
Go to worship at my church,
Feed the homeless in my community,
Read a book,
Lay out on the beach,
Jog for a couple miles,
Sleep in a few extra hours,
Have a cup of coffee,
Get laid,
Collect my paycheck,
Say a prayer.
Yeah, I’ll be fine.
Crimes unimaginable
Sins unfathomable
Wrongs not righted
With an apology,
A soft word,
Or the stroke of a pen.
Pain to the deepest parts
Of the heart and soul,
The very fiber of one’s being,
A wound that doesn’t heal,
But rather cuts deeper
With every smile,
Every handshake,
On every pay day,
Every trip to the grocery store,
Every night at mealtime,
When they look at their children,
When they look at ours.
Privilege continues
Despite the lip service,
Despite the promises,
Amidst the meager gifts,
The dregs of easy charity
From the tatters of a bursting purse,
The guilt trip laid on thick
To the middle class and even
The working poor.
Those that lack for food,
Clothing or shelter,
Living barely day to day,
Not knowing where one’s next
Meal will come from.
And at the church the preacher
Says try harder, pray more,
Save your dollars
So you can send your little ones
To a good college,
Make them study,
Keep them out of trouble,
Tell them you love them,
That you’re proud of them
For that report card.
What do you say
When the white kid
Calls them the n-word?
What do you say
When you don’t have a job
Because you refused
To kiss your supervisor’s butt
When he would talk to you
Like you were nothin’,
Just a cog in his machine,
A disposable, replaceable,
Optional, neglectable,
Insultable, disrespected,
Used, abused, tossed out
To the street
Like so much garbage,
Black man?
Stumbling along the sidewalk 