Leftovers are a let-down.
Picking up the pieces
Of my broken heart.
Left not right,
Caught in the middle.
Ideologies and rumors,
Hearsay and politics.
Wondering what to do,
After it’s all been said and done.
Get out the bread and butter.
Stir up the soup of the day.
Mow the lawn and be happy.
Such an excuse to be gay.
Do you know the secret
To making peace in this time?
Mine is slowly seeping
Into a bed of roses.
Was it something I said?
Or is it something about me
That causes you to doubt yourself?
Some kind of honesty
That penetrates your facade?
Some truth that echoes
In the halls of your heart and mind,
Calling you out of your slumber,
To accountability and renewal?
Is it the low blows and cheap shots
That I’ve taken at you over time,
Coming back to roost?
Is our relationship that fragile?
Are the bonds of our love that weak?
Is our relationship that disposable?
Not from my side, never fear.
When you’re ready to be mature,
To talk things out and make up,
To declare peace over this war torn
Battlefield,
To move on from this stagnation,
I’m ready to go.
Twisting, turning.
Emotions churning.
My heart is heavy.
My losses burning.
Oh, God,
When will you come
And save me?
My friends have left me,
And I feel abandoned.
The rejection stings.
Spare me from torture.
Please, Lord,
Let us reconcile once more.
Don’t remember much about you,
From growing up.
Don’t know if we didn’t have many
Meaningful conversations,
Or if we didn’t emotionally connect,
Or if you just weren’t around.
I see you in the few pictures
We still have left.
That’s proof! I shout,
To nobody in particular.
You were there.
You came to my games,
To my concerts,
To my awards ceremonies.
But did you say anything to me?
Anything memorable?
Anything impressionable?
Anything teachable?
Why don’t I remember you?
I know you were proud of me.
I felt your support when I knew
You were there.
But what did it mean?
What was our relationship like?
Did we ever talk about things?
And why didn’t I ever go to you
For help, when I got into the many
Conflicts, arguments and problems
With family or friends?
If you were there, if you were around,
Why didn’t I take advantage of it?
Maybe you weren’t the problem.
Maybe I just didn’t know
What to say, how to ask,
How to express myself.
Maybe I didn’t quite understand
What families and friends are
All about?
I didn’t know how to safely
Navigate those potentially perilous
Waters, without asking questions
From someone more experienced,
Someone wise, someone loving,
Someone who cares.
And maybe that’s why I have
Such a hard time believing in God,
Believing he’s there for me,
Offering grace, tenderness, mercy,
Forgiveness, wisdom and guidance.
I don’t have a relationship that
Means something because
I don’t know how to connect,
How to ask for help,
How to express my thankfulness.
I don’t even sense his quiet support,
His delight in his child.
Scurrying about,
In the midnight hours,
Like a little mouse,
Searching for a piece of cheese;
But you are up to much more,
As those wild emotions
Race through your mind,
And those dips of depression,
Fuel the fire of sadness and anger,
You break out the vacuum cleaner,
And do a few loads of laundry.
Good channeling for my sake,
Better than the belt,
Or a wicked rage,
Accompanied by fists
And insults galore,
Not constructive criticism,
But damning put-downs
Reserved for closed doors.
Match test play summer games friend
Spend time together fishing bike solo
Tease buddies crash now you will sit
Stop rowdy catch break something
Fragile sharp cut bleed yell help must
House linger terror above lake apple
Round red seeds bite crunch chew
Swallow spit man that tasted good
Another bite and again sit by me now
Run catch belt swell sting never again
Crying out
Does not happen
Without pain,
Without struggle.
Creativity
Is birthed
From suffering.
To attain
Resolution,
One must encounter
Conflict.
To reach the summit,
One must be faced
With challenge.
Something
Must be wrestled with,
To win.
And so I find myself
In times of difficulty,
Trying
To give birth
To a new creation.
So be it.
Happy go freaky,
Style for a mile.
Ambulance mind,
So fine.
Go fetch your dream,
Get to it!
Place your hands
On the balance beam
Of life expression,
And make your moves.
Chase that vision,
That holy mission,
For you alone.
Never turn back.
No regrets.
Sail on!
Distance grows
In the reflection of sunsets,
Deep in the pupils of your eyes.
Around your bright blue irises,
The once clear white
Is streaked with bloodshot,
And the skin on your cheek
Sags with the gravity of age,
And the weight of worries,
Long forgotten,
Though carried still.
What happened
To the happy-go-lucky girl
That I married,
Experimenting and experiencing
Life to the fullest,
Young and fresh and free?
Oh, those were the days:
Going on long walks together,
Holding hands.
Staying up late at night
And into the morning,
Just talking.
Intoxicated with each other.
Yes, that girl is gone,
But in her place is a woman,
Stronger, braver and wiser.
A more confident and courageous
Caretaker and leader,
Someone who takes risks.
Weathered by suffering and loss,
But soft and loving to the end.
A much improved confidante,
A loyal partner,
A treasured friend.
Stumbling along the sidewalk 