Below

A heaviness
Weighs upon my heart.
It pushes on my chest,
Until I cannot breathe.

I feel chains
Wrapped around my legs,
Pulling me down
Into an abyss.

I cannot see
In front of me.
I cannot dream
Of ecstasy.

I don’t see a way out
Of this tortured maze.
I hear laughing
Behind me.

People celebrate.
They don’t know me.
What is the true me?
Who am I, really?

I yearn for hope
And tender mercy.
Where am I, today?
I weep in my soul.

I cannot tell
What is to come,
But can anyone?
What is inside

The next valley?
If my Lord sees me,
He must have pity.
He will know

My suffering.
He will come down
Speedily,
In a flaming chariot

From heaven
To save me.
But what do I need?
How can I be saved?

Have I dug this pit
Through my own folly?
Does my Lord
Permit me

To reap the consequences
Of my pride?
Does he watch over me
And think to himself,

“He gets what he deserves.
I will leave him be,
For he needs to be
Chastened.”

If that is how it is,
I will wait
On my Lord
For holy healing.

I will wait
For correction.
I will wait
For wisdom.

Surely,
He will come
When he is ready,
When I am ready,

When I have learned
My lesson,
Whatever it is,
He wants to teach me.

The Lord will be
My holy savior,
As in ancient times,
When he walked the earth.

He will touch me,
Release me from this pain,
And heal me.
Great is the Lord,

And worthy to be praised.

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Author: Gordon S. Bowman III

Writer, Visual Artist, Blogger, Advocate

2 thoughts on “Below”

  1. I too have many self-doubts but I feel a New Year brings a clean slate and new opportunities. I don’t believe God has a stick or baseball bat ready to hit us over the head for every mistake or infraction. God loves us no matter what after all he created us. So In order to make 2015 a Great New Year seek out help, therapy, pastoral counseling to be on the right track and a good pathway.

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