A lot of time my mind is so clear,
So awake, so aware,
But also, so overwhelmed,
Even with what seems like paranoia.
My thoughts move so fast,
That I can’t keep up with them.
I’ll be so tired, and I’ll lay down,
But I can’t turn my mind off.
It is like a speeding train,
Trying to go around a sharp curve.
The strain of it all, sometimes,
Causes me to wonder if I can stand it,
If, like that speeding train,
I will run off the tracks.
I try to control, to be practical,
To distract myself, take meds,
But I can’t always do that.
Sometimes I am caught in an atmosphere
Where I feel the need to escape,
But I don’t really want to,
I want to participate in life, feel it,
Be there, interact with whatever
Or whomever is around.
Maybe I need more discipline.
Maybe I need to be more careful.
But I don’t always want to hide.
Sometimes I don’t want to be rational.
We all occasionally do stupid things.
And sometimes, I regret it.
Sometimes my wife has to reel me in,
Get me back to reality.
I am grateful for doctors, counselors,
Family and friends.
It does help to have support.
I just have to take it one moment at a time,
Doing the best I can.
That’s all I can expect of myself.
