Bipolar Life

A lot of time my mind is so clear,

So awake, so aware,

But also, so overwhelmed,

Even with what seems like paranoia.

My thoughts move so fast,

That I can’t keep up with them.

I’ll be so tired, and I’ll lay down,

But I can’t turn my mind off.

It is like a speeding train,

Trying to go around a sharp curve.

The strain of it all, sometimes,

Causes me to wonder if I can stand it,

If, like that speeding train,

I will run off the tracks.

I try to control, to be practical,

To distract myself, take meds,

But I can’t always do that.

Sometimes I am caught in an atmosphere

Where I feel the need to escape,

But I don’t really want to,

I want to participate in life, feel it,

Be there, interact with whatever

Or whomever is around.

Maybe I need more discipline.

Maybe I need to be more careful.

But I don’t always want to hide.

Sometimes I don’t want to be rational.

We all occasionally do stupid things.

And sometimes, I regret it.

Sometimes my wife has to reel me in,

Get me back to reality.

I am grateful for doctors, counselors,

Family and friends.

It does help to have support.

I just have to take it one moment at a time,

Doing the best I can.

That’s all I can expect of myself.