Stumbling along the sidewalk

God plus doubt equals faith.
Trust, love, hope soon to follow,
Or maybe not so soon.
Caution: trembling nights ahead.
Difficulties galore.
Emptiness and struggle.
Rejection and peer pressure.
Condemnation and abuse.
Following instructions
Gets you nothing worth anything,
But you might survive
And maybe resist suicide,
Or, perhaps, gain more reasons
To do it, anyway.
Groupthink calls your name.
Television mindset,
Just coasting along,
Resisting any original thought.
No critical thoughts allowed.
No critiques of the boring sermons,
The tone and hints
Of intolerance and brainwashing.
How to join in,
When my attitude
Is not conducive to it.
My mind shuts tight
Out of fear of losing it.
My insanity is more sane
Than your logic.
My light is brighter
Than your search/spotlight.
Your hanging lamp
In an interrogation room,
Full of torture devices,
Designed to retrieve a confession,
Whether or not it’s true.
Tremble in your pew.
Tremble in communion.
Gasp in prayer,
As I push my political agenda
In every prayer,
Glorifying violence,
Respecting those who oppress.
Power-hungry politicians
Hoard money and attention,
Leaving the poor and needy
To fend for themselves,
Or die in misery.
It’s a wonderful world, after all.

God thought.
Thinking…
Reacting.
Responding.
Loving.
Trying to understand it all.
Trying to keep up
With the Joneses?
Give it up.
The Joneses in your “church”
Are not in the “Church”.
What is the Church, anyway?
What does that word mean?
Today, there are so many
Different kinds of churches,
That the word is in danger
Of losing its meaning.
And with all the hypocrisy,
That may just be a part
Of being human,
Any idealism about it
Suffers dramatically.
There was a time
When the Roman Catholic Church
Was the Church.
Some still think so.
But “catholic” means
Universal.
There is nothing universal
About the Roman Catholic Church,
Or any church, for that matter,
Except as it is a part of
The greater Church.
But, enough about church.
Back to God.
What if Jesus
Was just a man?
Or, better yet,
What if there is a bit of God
In all of us?
What if we all
Have the potential
To be as close to God,
As fully God,
As Jesus?
And, what if
We can do this
Through a range
Of religions,
Not just the ones
That our culture
Approves of?
What if Muhammad,
Buddha and Jesus
Were all men
Who were very close to God,
Perhaps,
As much Son of Man
As anyone?
Perhaps,
After all,
There was more to Jesus,
Than we know?
Maybe Jesus
Was as human
As anyone else.
You certainly wouldn’t think so
By reading the Bible.
What were his weaknesses,
His faults, his doubts?
What were his sins?
How could he be fully human
If he never sinned?
And did he really claim
To be God,
Son of God, Savior, Lamb of God?
Or were these just terms
That were applied to him by others,
Like John the Baptist,
The Apostle Paul,
John the Beloved Disciple,
And others in the Roman Catholic,
Protestant, and other parts
Of the Christian church?
And what about the Jews?
After all,
Jesus, his disciples, Paul,
And all the patriarchs
Were Jews.
Why don’t they agree
With what Christians say
About Jesus?
Is it because of how maligned
Their history
And religion was by us?
Is it the evils done
In the name of Jesus?
Or is there more to it than that?
Perhaps,
The same thing
Is happening to Muslims today
By our supposedly
“Christian” nation.
It is very sad, really.
Why can’t we love and respect
Each other, instead of always
Fighting?
Why can’t we learn
From each other?
We could be blessing each other,
Instead of killing each other.
So much blood
On all of our hands.
The history of the world
Is a sad, sad story.
So, where is God in all this?
Is he everywhere,
In every person?
Or is he nowhere?
Or is he only revealed
To a select few?
Is justice coming?
Is love here?
Is there going to be
A New Jerusalem,
Or has it come and gone already,
Condemned to be
A war zone?
Where is truth?

A heaviness
Weighs upon my heart.
It pushes on my chest,
Until I cannot breathe.

I feel chains
Wrapped around my legs,
Pulling me down
Into an abyss.

I cannot see
In front of me.
I cannot dream
Of ecstasy.

I don’t see a way out
Of this tortured maze.
I hear laughing
Behind me.

People celebrate.
They don’t know me.
What is the true me?
Who am I, really?

I yearn for hope
And tender mercy.
Where am I, today?
I weep in my soul.

I cannot tell
What is to come,
But can anyone?
What is inside

The next valley?
If my Lord sees me,
He must have pity.
He will know

My suffering.
He will come down
Speedily,
In a flaming chariot

From heaven
To save me.
But what do I need?
How can I be saved?

Have I dug this pit
Through my own folly?
Does my Lord
Permit me

To reap the consequences
Of my pride?
Does he watch over me
And think to himself,

“He gets what he deserves.
I will leave him be,
For he needs to be
Chastened.”

If that is how it is,
I will wait
On my Lord
For holy healing.

I will wait
For correction.
I will wait
For wisdom.

Surely,
He will come
When he is ready,
When I am ready,

When I have learned
My lesson,
Whatever it is,
He wants to teach me.

The Lord will be
My holy savior,
As in ancient times,
When he walked the earth.

He will touch me,
Release me from this pain,
And heal me.
Great is the Lord,

And worthy to be praised.

Checking back
To feel the breeze.
Sniffing the aroma,
On my knees.

Self-conscious,
In the extreme.
Hollow words
Squishing me.

Maybe not
So meaningful,
Or the meaning
Is lost on you.

Can we meet,
Perhaps, half way?
Can we call
A truce today?

Will there be
Better days?
Will we find
A nicer way

To communicate
And vent?
Are you out of
Shape, now bent?

Let’s surrender
Finer points.
Come together,
Despite the noise.

We can do it,
If we try.
Making up,
So we don’t cry.

Lovely words
Don’t mean a thing,
If we can’t
Our souls bring

To the table,
Compromise.
Banish all our
Little lies.

We will find
A better way
To make peace
So, please, do stay.

A very long time ago,
God was hanging out with himself,
And he was in a creative,
Spontaneous kind of mood.

He thought to himself,
“Hmm…wonder what it would be like
To hang out with other beings?
Maybe it would be cool.

So he mustered up
All his creative talents,
And pulled out a few
Tricks from his bag,

And he said, “I will create
Beings like me,
I will give them a heart and soul,
And a spirit like mine.

I will put a spark of myself
Deep down inside them,
But I will do more than that.
I will make them free

To accept me or reject me,
To love or to hate,
To worship me or worship themselves,
To choose good or evil.

And so God did it.
He created us.
But we were not satisfied
To be what we were.

We wanted to be gods ourselves.
We wanted to rule,
To have power like God,
To give life, and to take it away.

So, God stepped back,
Knowing the outcome
Would not be good,
Since the only way to stop us

Would be to kill us,
And he loved us too much
And enjoyed his creation,
Despite its faults.

So, we built castles and kingdoms,
Formed weapons and walls,
Fought for power over each other,
Killing each other and ourselves.

God saw all this,
And it grieved his heart,
Because he knew what he must do.
God knew he must give his own life

To save us from ourselves.
So, God put his seed inside a woman,
And was born into his own creation.
He existed as one of us,

With all the faults and afflictions,
That we experienced,
And he suffered and hurt like us,
And we treated him with cruelty.

God was one of us,
And yet he did not make
The same choice that we made.
After all, he was already God.

So, he made a better choice,
A choice that we refused to make.
He chose to give his own life
To reap an eternal justice,

And to restore us to himself.
For we had drifted far away from him
In our hearts. We had all but forgotten
What it was like to love.

But God did something else
For his beloved creations.
He lived with us for a while,
He talked, walked and dined with us.

He healed and blessed us.
He pushed away the confusion
And turmoil that had grown inside us.
He gave us peace in our hearts,

A peace that we had exchanged
A long time ago, for power that we
Could not handle,
And violence that ripped us apart.

As he did this, some of us
Saw ourselves for whom
We really were.
We saw all the ugly thoughts we had.

We became restless,
We resented these revelations
About ourselves.
And instead of allowing

God to heal us,
We became angry
At ourselves, at each other,
And at him.

So, we did what God knew
We would do.
We took God to a very sad place,
And we punished him,

We pushed him away in our hearts,
We hurt him with all our might.
We tried to snuff God out
Of our memories and our dreams.

So, for a short time,
God let us think
That we had won.
He let us think that he was gone.

But he could not stay away.
Indeed, he had never really left.
We were just fooling ourselves
And each other, believing the lies

We wanted to believe.
God had something much better in mind,
Something greater
Than we could ask or imagine.

He gave us himself.
He entered our hearts
Through the power of his death.
He helped us to return

To the place we were before,
When things in this world
Were peaceful and beautiful,
Inside and out.

He gave us what he called
Grace and truth.
He brought us back
From the wretched disease

That we had embraced
Instead of love.
He put his love for us
Deep down in our hearts,

Once again,
And he gave us another choice,
And another, and another.
He just kept healing and loving us.

And so the circle continues.
It goes on forever,
To the end of the world,
God loving his creation.

So, what will you choose?

Believers and non believers,
Right? Or wrong?
Or left?
Straight or gay?
Black or white?
Christian or atheist?
Jew or Gentile?
Intellectual or activist?
Proactive or reactive?
Caught in between
A rock and a knife.
A life of beauty
And the torment of hell.
Thoughts of today
Sometimes cloud over
Visions of the eternal.
Heartbreak
Threatens healing,
And purity
Is tainted by worldliness.
To experience
Or to dream?
To be a visionary
Or to just be practical?
Life pulls us
Every which way.
It is a delicate balance,
Sharp as a razor,
With bottomless pits
On both sides,
Waiting to swallow up
Whomever is the next victim.
Eh, batter, batter!
Come on, batter!
Screams from the outfield
Mock us as we play,
As we fight with all our hearts,
Sometimes feeling like
We’re losing our minds.
Am I a hypocrite,
Because I challenge
And criticize
Those I love so dearly?
Am I a traitor,
Because I disagree
Passionately,
Yet I dine with sinners?
And what of the rulers,
The priests, the teachers?
The rich, young men
With all the sparkle in their eye,
Their future bubbling with potential?
Love God,
And love your neighbor.
Show mercy.
Be a part of the solution,
Not the problem.
Hang with the lepers,
The prostitutes,
The tax collectors,
The children.
Let them all
Come to me.
Take half a step forward,
And he will take three,
Because he loves you.
Treat everyone
With respect.
Do not worship any man.
Every kingdom
Will one day fall.
Between truth and love,
Choose love,
Because truth hides
In a misty cloud,
Invisible to all
But children
And the insane.
They see clearly,
As we fool ourselves
With lie after lie,
Wishing ourselves
Into a fantasy world
Full of temptation
And torture.
Come lay your burdens
By the riverside.
Be clean.
Be one with all.
It is all of us,
We are all the same,
Forever.
Amen.