Suicidal Child

Cold, sinking knife in my side…

I dream of an escape

Some way to soothe my pride

And the chill that begins

At the back of my neck

And proceeds down to my feet,

Tells me I am alone,

So, here in the dark,

I weep.

No comfort, no joy.

Nothing but terror and guilt.

I am just a little boy,

Forced to survive

Until the time comes

When I grow up

Or someone saves me

From this putrid cup

In which they pee.

And I must drink

Till it all is gone.

Violence is what I think

Can break this cage.

I will be done

With all the anger,

With all the shouts,

With all the hatred

Inside this house.

True Brothers in Christ

“And every man is, to the Christian, in some sense a brother. Some are actually and visibly members of the Body of Christ. But all men are potentially members of that body, and who can say with certainty that the non-Catholic or the non-Christian is not in some hidden way justified by the indwelling spirit of God and hence, though not visibly and obviously, a true brother ‘in Christ’?”

–Thomas Merton, “Life and Holiness”

Contemplation and the Virtue of Love

“…the true contemplative has no special interest in anybody for their own qualities, whether he is a relation or a stranger, a friend or an enemy. All men seem related to him and nobody is a stranger; all are his friends and none is his enemy. He will go so far as to say that all those who hurt and damage him in this world are his special friends, and he seems inspired to seek their good as zealously as he would the good of his very best friend…”

from Chapter 24, “The Cloud of Unknowing”

Searching

Carried by hope,

Lifted by dreams,

I fly through foreign lands,

Looking for paradise.

What I find

Does not even come close.

What I have is a glimpse of a star,

An echo of a song,

An ember of a flame.

What I hold onto

Is a piece of something

Much bigger than myself,

Something that, indeed,

Holds me.

Awaken

Between the soft billows

Of grey clouds upon the horizon,

A soul-piercing beam

Of red-hot sunlight

Pokes its face out

To say hello.

“Wake up!” it calls

To sleepy heads,

Closed minds,

Closed hearts.

“Have mercy!” it pleads.

Deep down, there is compassion.

Beneath the rough-hewn shell,

There is a being

Formed in the image of God.

One Person at a Time

If all lives

Meant as much to us as some lives,

If all races, faces, accents, religions, persuasions,

Meant as much to us as our own,

Perhaps this world would be a happier, more peaceful, more spiritual

Place to be. But, it is not

That kind of world.

It is a world where we look out

For our own, those like us,

Those who think and act like we do.

We see it as a waste of time, energy and resources,

To worry about those who don’t concern us,

Those in whom we are not invested.

“Why should I care?” we say to ourselves, to each other, to those who

Keep us accountable.

“It’s not my job!”

“They are trash!”

“They are criminals!”

“They have no respect!”

“They don’t appreciate what they have!”

“I don’t have to go out of my way to help them!”

There has got to be a solution.

There has to be a way

For us all to get along,

To have love and respect for each other,

To live together in peace.

We can do it, one person at a time.

Follow the Spirit

Contradictions amidst the scriptures

Make religions fall to their knees,

While spirits laugh and dance a jig,

Singing melodies in our ears.

Should we listen to the wisdom

That our traditions tell us to?

Or maybe step onto the water,

As Jesus calls us to only trust him?

Faith is not a concrete thing.

It lives and breathes.

It moves constantly.

To align ourselves with God’s spirit

Is to step out into the unknown.

There is no certainty with God.

We cannot know all the answers,

So why judge others

Who are different from us?

Though they follow a different path,

Perhaps they walk with God as well.

We will never know where they’re headed.

Not until the end of time.

So, just love others as Jesus called us.

Lay down your burdens at the riverside.

Take each step in fear and trembling,

For you know not what tomorrow brings.

Trust the Father to guide you through it,

And the Son, to wipe away your sins.

You are loved, no matter what,

And forgiven, for all time.

So follow the spirit, as it guides you.

Bless as many as you can!

Searching for Truth

Twisting, turning, inside out.

Realms unreachable confuse and tease.

Mysteries unfathomable drift on by.

Can you grasp God’s intellect?

I think not.

Do you know his truth?

You will not know until you see him

Face to face.

You will not have the answers,

Any answers, until it doesn’t matter.

God doesn’t work

The way that gives you control.

He is like a refreshing breeze

That blows through the window,

Moving so that you know

Something is there,

Something beautiful,

Yet, you cannot use it

For your own purposes.

He will not boost your ego.

He will not make you look good.

He will confound you.

He will stay one step ahead of you,

Evading all your well-meant plans.

How we wish God would do our will,

Yet it is we who must do his.

The only prayer God answers is,

“Thy will be be done.”

Anything else is a process,

Simply meant to bring us to that point.

His words are always,

“Follow me.”

And so we search and search,

Yet he eludes us.

Finally, we surrender our will to his,

Trusting in his love.

It is then that we have found him.

Alone (2010)

Headed straight,

But I turned to the side.

I ride the motion

From deep inside.

Gliding along,

No end in sight–

Just me and my dreams

Flying tonight.

Through the darkness

And under the light.

My worries captured

And shown in sight.

No escape comes

From this lofty flight

Only conflict, terror…

My chest is tight.

Suffocating

From this journey.

No relief

Comes from my plea.

Clouds surround

My hooded eyes.

I hear no sound

On this frigid night.

Nothing grows,

Nothing comes

Close to those

Who care some-

-Thing about me.

I am alone.

Only me,

Screaming, “No!”

Send a friend.

Send a friend.

I have no friends.

They are all fiends.

Only me,

Sitting here,

Wondering why.

I ask myself,

Why am I here?

Do I know?

I don’t know.

Do you?

I am alone.

There is no one here

But me.

I sit on a ledge

Of a dark chasm,

Looking down.

Seems like forever,

And then I am there

At the bottom,

Looking up.

Where are they?

Where is my savior?

Where did he go?

Or did I leave him?

Where am I?

Am I alone?

Did I turn my back

On anyone else?

Why am I here,

Alone?

Such a mystery

To me, so lonely.

I lay here,

Sores on my body.

Emptiness in my soul.

Alone.