Stumbling along the sidewalk

Deep, down below,
I lie alone,
Writhing in pain
Until I go insane.
Is this a sentence
For my past sins?
Is this what happens
When I lose,
And God wins?
What is here for me?
So many blessings,
But I can’t grasp them.
I can’t enjoy them.
I can’t feel them.
So many people
Trying to help me,
Yet it is pointless,
As I continue suffering.
No one can make it
Go away.
No one can heal me.
I must endure
Whatever wretched path
That I am given.
Oh, to escape!
To go to heaven!
Anything to stop
The torture,
The pain,
The anxiety.
Please, God,
Have mercy on me.

Cascading clouds
Cover a rainbow.
Pouring rain
Floods the streets.
Why would the moose
Hang himself by a noose?
Why try, when you can say goodbye?
Let’s do this: go straight
Until the puddle covers your shoes.
Let’s go to the end of the river,
Where fishes fly,
And splash in the current.
Follow the dirt path
Into the woods.
Smell the blossoms
Of the forest flowers.
Pine and oak trees
Make a canopy
Above your head.
Living strongly,
And dying slowly.
The journey goes on.

Embrace the darkness.
Catch a scent in the cool air
Of a hearth burning slowly.
Sink into a hot bath,
Feel the soap suds,
And the soft water
Caress your body.
Touch the cool inside
Of an aloe plant,
Dab the ointment
On your tender skin.
Crawl down into the warm blankets,
Stretching your legs,
Getting comfy.
Stick the tip of your nose
Out from under the covers,
Just to check to see
How cold it is.
Drink Dark Chocolate Sensation,
Feel it pass down
Your dry throat.
Take a walk outside
In the moonlight,
Stepping on wet leaves.
Yes, winter has arrived.

If I could go
Where I want to go,
I would go home–
Not home, as in a house,
But home, as in a state of being.
I want to rest, to be released,
To reach an end to all this pain.
To dwell in a world of panic,
To live in a mind of torture,
Seems to be the way for me.
But, oh, to have peace, once again.
I do yearn for that.
To find peace again,
Would be the sweetest of gifts.
To be set free
From this mortal coil,
Would be a deliverance,
A bit of justice,
A bit of mercy.
But how? Who? Where?
What can be done?
I was born into this life
To experience this life,
To feel these feelings,
To have these thoughts.
And, for what purpose?
To know the suffering of Christ?
To have my body broken,
Like his, to comfort the weak?
To have mercy as he had mercy,
Hanging on that cross?
Forgive them, Father.
Forgive them.

Those benefitting from privilege
Think they have it rough.
They’re about as bad as
Kicking, screaming infants

Being dragged by their mother
Down a shopping isle,
Bursting with sobs
And decorated with tears.

“We have rights!”
“I want this, I want that.
Gimme, gimme, gimme!”
“No, you don’t need that!”

“Now, be quiet and stop crying,
Or I will call your father,
And he can deal with you!”
Peace, peace, peace!

We have what we need,
We have what we want,
We have many things
We take for granted

Or that we don’t want
And don’t appreciate.
How have you been blessed
In ways that you don’t even

Think about?
Aren’t we all just little kids
Pitching a fit,
As God tries to mop up our mess?

Spears fly through the air,
They aim at my heart.
But I will not be deterred.
I will fight with all my might
To continue this journey.

Rivers overflow.
The tidal wave has come!
It floods the streets,
And fills the houses
Of innocent families.

The earthquake ripples
Through the ground,
“They are here,” someone cries.
Gigantic horses gallop
Through the carnage,

Crushing men, women and children.
On top of these steeds
Ride men clothed in armor,
With large steel swords,
The better for the cutting down.

Ripping through flesh,
Stabbing, slicing.
Heads role onto the ground.
Torches are lit and thrown
Into buildings.

Where do these men come from?
Is it from afar?
Or are they members
Of families and clubs,
Churches and businesses?

What has caused
The change in their hearts?
What has darkened their souls?
What makes them cold
To the murders and mayhem?

This is my son, my daughter.
This was my teacher, my friend.
“You have shamed us,” a women cries.
“You have betrayed your families,
Your friends, and your own hearts.”

“Where does the hatred come from?
Why does it start in men?
What angers them, twists them,
Shrivels their hearts, and strangles
Their souls? Why do they hurt us?”

Walls crumbling,
As I do my best
To build them up.
Creatures crawling
Through my head,
Screaming insults
To the end.
People walk by
As I sell my wares,
Scowling at the tattered words
I beg to share.
Trying to come up
With something constructive,
But all I find
Are dust balls and dirt.
Should I make a mud pie?
I might need some water.
Too much to ask, you say.
I understand.
Those of us
Wondering where
Our next crazy idea
Will rear its ugly head,
Don’t stand a chance
Against the “in crowd”.
What is it, anyway,
That makes people exclude
Others who are different?
Xenophobia, the doctor says.
Yes, and, perhaps,
A desperate desire
To hide their own
Unique identity and insecurities
By focusing on a few
Superficial, inconsequential
Meaningless pursuits.
Perhaps,
I judge where I shouldn’t.
Maybe I should be looking
At the positive side
Of tribal culture.
After all, the “us versus them”
Mentality serves to protect,
Does it not?
Well, perhaps it destroys the
Protector and protected
As much as the objects
Of their scorn.
For alienation
Cuts both ways,
It is violence,
Without even considering
The physical
Manifestations.
Surely,
The social and psychological
Damage to the tribal members
And to those on whom they prey,
Is enough to fear and dread.
The murder, rape, assault and battery
Are there, to be sure,
But not in polite conversation.
So, where to, then?
Another round for the house,
On me.

God
Hands reaching out
Hands helping up
Healing hands
“Who touched me?”

Be free
Be healed
“Your faith has made you well.”
“Kill and eat.”
“Do not consider evil what I have declared to be good.”

“If your brother stumbles…”
Take my hand
Lift you up
Dance
Love from your heart

Come and gather
In my name
Crushed and spread
Across the ocean
Throughout the mountains

Get along
Make it work
Make it happen
Get going
Take the trip to the other side.

Feel.
Be with me here and now.
Let’s do this together.
Let’s sing a new song.
“How long must we sing this song?”

Do it together.
Be free.
Be yourself.
God is within you.
Touch my robe.